Speak English or Die - The Cosmic Jerk-Off

A womanizing CIA agent and an insecure insurance agent are paired together to make sure a deal goes through with aliens for the future of mankind.

Unlikely hero Mickey Barnes finds himself in the extraordinary circumstance of working for an employer who demands the ultimate commitment to the job… to die, for a living.

After status-obsessed teen Sara has sex for the first time, she wakes up the next day nine months pregnant-with an alien.

Casper is a time traveller who arrives in the 2020s in an attempt to prevent a major future catastrophe. He meets Holly, a queer black woman he befriends and draws into his plan by giving her his knowledge of the future so that she can make quick money. However, they unwittingly alter the future themselves with their actions, until Doris, another time traveller, arrives to stop them.

When an all-powerful Superintelligence chooses to study the most average person on Earth, Carol Peters, the fate of the world hangs in the balance. As the A.I. decides to enslave, save or destroy humanity, it’s up to Carol to prove that people are worth saving.

Special Forces commandos on a mission are abducted mid-operation by a mysterious spacecraft. Upon waking aboard, they find themselves prey to a relentless alien race in a fight for survival.

Set against the backdrop of a postapocalyptic Earth whose Eastern Hemisphere was destroyed by a massive solar flare, leaving what life remains mutated from radiation and fallout. The story revolves around a group of treasure hunters who extract such objects as the Mona Lisa, the Rosetta Stone and the Crown Jewels while facing rival hunters, mutants and pirates.

In the hazy aftermath of World War III, the fallout from a 'nuclear misunderstanding' is producing strange mutations amongst the survivors, and the noble Lord Fortnum finds himself transforming into a bed sitting room.